What the scale says...

Sunday, January 23, 2011

WHO..me ???

okay okay new year...I let ALOT of things slack off at the end of last year but it's time to pull in the reins and get the control back !! I've realized that I did learn alot about myself through this point in my journey alot of which I learned from you guys and if it hadn't been for those nugget of discipline, self worth and accountability for my actions I could see how I would have lost total control over everything !!

The Good news is that I'm still on this journey, I havent reached my goal that I hoped I would have reached by last October but I am definitely not out of the game. The scale has creeped up a bit and I'm 20 lbs away from my goal now but trying to fight my way back to a strict discipline mind set that really helped me get through the rest of the humps along the way.

The Bad news is that I suffered a minor back injury ( Lumbar lordosis and sciatic attack) and was doing alot of PT which really derailed my running and working out. That compounded with the holidays and a cruise vacation and viola...6 pounds added to my never ending plateau of 186...so I got some real work to do but this freezing snow/rain/chil fest outside is really zapping any energy and desire to get up and get my butt moving !! ARRGGHHH !!

SO I know that in the past speaking my goals to my band buddies really got my butt in gear so hear we go...

In the next month I will..

1- get the calorie count under control

2- Cut the SBUX visits to once a day and NO MORE PEPPERMINT HOT CHOCOLATES !!!!
3- No more eye balling of serving portions, back to my trusty measuring cups
4- Lunch with friends...once a week max !!!
5- Get those 6 lbs OFF !!!

Weight today 192...this is the most I will ever allow myself to weight ever again !!! This is my battle cry !!!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Attention NYC bandits..anyone wanna join me for a hardcore ass kicking workout ?

I had heard great reviews about this boot camp at Hype gym from several people and just today I got an email with this offer for $10 a class...so I signed up for 4 classes in september and I was wondering if any of the fab city bandits want in ?

You must register for lifebooker loot, a totally free and awesome hidden deals website, in order to purchase.

Throwing it down...stubborn 16 lbs, I'm coming for you !! ROAR !!!!!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

16 is the magic number

So my one year mark is fast approaching and as I sat down to think of everything that has happened and my transformation both physically and mentally it dawned on me that ...holy crap I only have 16 more pounds to hit my magic number that I had set way back when !!!. And the funny thing about it is that when I set that number it seem so far away and almost unreachable. I set it like " okay yeah let's say 100 lbs loss..why the hell not?" But here I am and it's like "OMG it's only 16 lbs away!!"

So here I am putting it down in writing...my FINAL goal is 16 lbs by Oct 31st. I'm giving myself enough time to do it slowly and the right way, while still focusing on working the rest of me as well, which for me is reinforcing the behavioral modification of the whole thing and the emotional ties that this is actually truly happening, but most importantly why it's actually happening !!! The way that I see it, it's happening because somewhere along the line I learned that it was about focusing on the little things within me and celebrating the little victories and setting the mini-goals. I think that if I would have looked at from day # 1 that I MUST lose 100 lbs, I would have defeated myself before I even started, but because I set these little achievable goals that gave my spirit the opportunity to celebrate and thrive on reaching them is what has worked the best !!

So that would be my biggest advice to all those that are just starting. It is very easy to get frustrated on this journey, cause we all know it's not fun and giggles, but actually many times, frustration, sweat and tears but if you do it a little bit at a time and let yourself learn and celebrate and be happy at just those 2 lbs this week...pretty soon you'll see that it's good !!!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Emotional eating...what are you tricks?

Let's face it we all do it...some of us like me, I cushion it with a million excuse and try to rationalize the shit out of it, but it doesnt change the reality that the french fry that I am sticking in my mouth is a result of my emotions and not of a nutrional or wise food choice !! This ofcourse is compacted with the feelings of failure and remorse after 1) running to the bathroom after almost having an incident in the mall food court or 2) realizing that all the progress I made this week with the excerise just went out the window.

But alas there is a differnce this time around !!!!

Last year had I become victim to an episode of emotional eating I would have thrown in the towel and called it quits on another attempt to diet. "after all I minus will have the choclate cheese cake from cheese cake factory if I already ate the plate of fries right ??" But what is different this time around is that I have learned to recognize what you would call isolated incidents, as my bodies "check engine light" Really if I expect to never have a french fry or to never have more than one godiva choclate then I'm really just setting myself up for disaster. So i have chosen to look at these episodes of weak eating caused by my emotions as disaster preventors.... that something is going on and I need to pay more attnetion to me and work it out.

I would love to hear how you guys deal with your emotional eating and what tricks you've found that work for you ?

In the meantime I am posting the latest article from Katie Jay, focusing on just this topic...enjoy !

How to Get Your Brain to Work With You
(Not Against You)
by Katie Jay, MSW, Certified Wellness Coach
Director, National Association for Weight Loss Surgery

(This is the second article in my series on
psychological considerations after WLS)

When my son was four he threw a big tantrum at a
pool party. My husband and I were ready to go home;
our son was not. So he went into a rage. As the 100
or so people at the party stared at us (probably
feeling grateful it wasn't their child screaming)
we attempted to subdue our monster.

It was our own fault. Our son had not eaten
dinner, only junk food. And I realized too late
that his blood sugar was crashing. You see, like
his mother, when he didn't eat on time, and get
enough protein in, he became very agitated.

If we had lined up everyone at the pool, we would
have gotten many different opinions about what
was wrong with my son:

He has overindulgent parents
He's a brat
He doesn't have any manners
He can't control himself
He is tired
He's trying to get attention
He is sick
He is bad

(And we judge ourselves this way, too, when
we feel out of control, etc.!)

Very few people would have guessed low blood
sugar. Very few people would have made the food/mood
connection. The only reason I did was because after
years of depression and a bad temper, I was diagnosed
with type II diabetes. (The doctor didn't make the
food/mood connection, either. My husband was the
first to notice that improvement :o).

When I began to eat protein at regular intervals,
and cut back on sugar and refined carbs, my mood
improved. When we began feeding out son protein
at regular intervals, the tantrums stopped.

After WLS, it is more important than ever for us
to understand and acknowledge the food/mood

We often call it "emotional eating" and tell
ourselves we are weak willed. But it's not that

Kathleen Des Maisons, in her book, "The Sugar
Addict's Total Recovery Program, and Anne
Katherine, in her book, "The Anatomy of a Food
Addiction," both discuss at length what happens
in the brain when we eat certain foods. (And how
eating certain foods can help brain chemistry
that is out of whack.)

Here's one scientific example from Des Maisons:

"Sugar-activated beta-endorphin [a chemical in
the brain that is released when a person eats
sugar or refined carbs] changes emotions as
well as physical feelings. Not only does sugar
reduce physical pain in [a certain type of
mouse]; it also reduces the pain of loss or
social isolation.

"When baby mice are taken from
their mothers, they cry. Scientists measured the
number of times the babies cried in a specified
number of minutes. They gave the babies sugar
water, and, no surprise, they stopped crying.
"The 'isolation distress' was significantly
lessened by sugar. Sugar creates a temporary
flood of beta-endorphins, thus numbing the
emotional pain of separation."

Some people can drastically reduce their low
mood by choosing a more effective food plan
(and regular, moderate exercise helps, too).

While others, will also need medication and/or
therapy (I use both).

Depression and anxiety are common among WLS
patients. So, no matter what the cause of the
mood issue, treating it will help you keep
your weight in check.

Let's face it, when your brain chemistry is
working against you, your WLS journey will be
longer and more challenging, if not impossible.

You can have good intentions, and know what
you're supposed to do, but this knowledge won't
help if you're too depressed to get up in the
morning, or too anxious to move forward.

Sometimes medication and/or therapy are needed
to help you stay focused and to give you the
mental and emotional strength you need to stay
on your path.

My son is 17 now, and we both know that when
we're feeling irritable or irrationally angry,
it's time for a healthy, protein-based snack.

Once we knew what the problem was, we were able
to take steps to solve it.

You have that ability, too.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on these
important issues.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Laughs with the lovely NYC ladies and a picture of me in shorts !! LOL

Hola my wonderful people...
Just wanted to jump in with a couple of quick words and a scandalous picture of my first public appearance in shorts ( LOL!!) .
I got to meet the lovely NYC bandster ladies for brunch today at Dos Caminos. How can some totally candid conversation accompained by a prickly pear margarita not be great??. Along with seeing how incredibly outrageous Jen looks, sporting a flat belly ( YOU GO GIRL!!) and va-va voom Colls ( I think that's your new nickname girlfriend!) I got to meet 3 more awesome ladies..Carla from Lovinglucylapband, Megan from bandedtolose and Morgan who we're all hoping to see her blogging soon. Great ladies doing just wonderful. Carla is rocking it as a sexy momma to be and Megan has a nice solid start on her journey. For all those vets Megan is going through bandster hell right now and I know would benefit from our support so stop on by her blog when you get the chance. I also got a chance to meet Katherine which I have been following from the start of my journey a year ago but never got the chance to meet her at the other brunches...she looks fantastic !!!

As for me my projects keep getting more involved at work so I'm still being some what delinquent on my blogging but I haven't forgotten about all of you my banded beauties !! I've decided that I'm gonna put my blogging updates on my outlook to remind myself ( Sick isn't it ??!!!)

While my weight is still at a rock solid 188 ( ARRGHH!!) I am delighted that it seems like the rest of my body seems to be cooperating. This past weekend I walked into Banana Republic ( something I wouldnt dream of doing 6 months ago) and I bodly walked up picked out a pair of pants from the rack and headed to the fitting room. Put them on, zipped them up and almost squeeled like a mad pig on the run when I realized that I just put on my first pair of size 12 pants in 10 years !!!!!! Can you freaking beleive it !!! A SIZE 12 !! OH MY FREAKING GOD !!! that is a whole 10 SIZES then I was at this time last year !!! I tell you that I ran out of the fitting room to the register so dam quick that I almost forgot to button my pants back on !!!
I've actually noticed more and more that I've reached a point in my journey that it's not about a number anymore but it's about appreciating and working with my body. While I still have an ultimate goal in mind, and I would love to hit the triple digit loss number, I have actually content at how my body looks and feels and I think this continues to fuel me psychologically in not beting myself up when I do have a slip up. It allows me to realize that I am human but that ultimately I am in control of my body and that it is me who has gotten it to this point and I never have to fear about letting it regain control over me.

So along with my victory at Banana republic ( sounds like a campaign) I also recently over came another fear and actually ventured out in shorts...in public !!! Now you have to understand that prior to this I would never be caught dead in shorts outside the safe confines of my apartment, but I'm out and I'm proud to be a renewed short wearer !!!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I cant believe that it's almost been a year...

Today is my 11 monthaversary ( a term my hubby coined when we were dating) since a little piece of silicone came into my life and gave it back to me. You know I've been getting compliments from people on how completely different I look, on how I am unrecognizable and mostly how my face has totally changed...but the funny thing is that it's only recently that I have started making those same comments to my mirror twin. I saw it on the scale and I saw the numbers shrinking in my clothes tags but it is just recently that I, very narcissistically btw, have been admiring myself in the mirror and caught my self saying..."damn girl you look good!" LOL I know silly isn't it but I guess the whole new me, meaning physically, emotionally, eating habits, working out and psychologically is all starting to come together...do you know what I mean ??? Has anyone else experienced this ??

I am posting a comparison pic of me with my niece.This before pic was one of the ones that brought me to tears when I first saw it. I couldnt beleive that I had allowed myself to get that big....it's nice to see that things can most definitely be changed...

Barbara had posted a question earlier as to whether the band had actually made a behavioral modification or was the weight loss just a result of not being able to eat as much?? I thought it was a very intresting topic and I'm sure she got answers as varied as a bag of M&M's but in my case, especially given what I've seen lately I think it has changed the way I think and the way I feel about my body. I can remember how before if I wanted something I ate it and if I wanted more I ate it as well and when I felt bad about the 2nd serving I said.."so what damage is already done!" and ate a 3rd or 4th just because I was try to quell the pitty party. I also remember that before if I was hungry I needed to EAT NOW !!! and that meant pulling into the nearest Mc'Ds and ordering some french fries...funny to think that I actually treated those 22g of saturated fat sticks as a snack !! It's a totally different ball game now!! I see the changes in my mirror twin and I see how good I look in whatever I pull out of my closet, I hear the compliments and feel the strength in my legs as I push myself to jog that extra block and there is NO WAY that I wanna ever insult and desecrate my body the way that I use to !!!! Today if I want a piece of godiva I eat a piece of godiva and that's it cause I AM MORE IMPORTANT that a piece of choclate !! If I am hungry, I will find a sensible 100 calorie option to snack on because I AM WORTH MORE than a convinient excuse !! I guess what I am trying to say is that I have finally realized that I AM WORTH IT !!! and I AM PROUD OF MYSELF !!!

All of you ladies should be proud of yourself whether you are 10,20 or 100 lbs from your goal because you are here blogging and reading and investing in yourself. It's about GD time we all give a BIG FU to all those things that try to control our lives and keep us down and say I DONT THINK SO...bcuz I AM WORTH IT !!!


Thursday, July 8, 2010

I'm back on the "band" wagon...I think !!

Well it goes without saying, as some of you have probably figured by my abscence that I've had a serious problem with my time management lately ! This "problem" has spilled to all parts including my weight loss efforts !!! Arrgghhh!! As you can tell by my ticker my weight has not budge a fuddlewagging inch!!! Still at good'ole 188. Yes granted I can look at the positive side of things, which Ive been relying on alot and say that "at least" I haven't gained...but really for how long can I drag that out?? So I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and said " Jacquie cut the crap!! and get your ass back on track!!!" So here I am back to my blogging and the much needed support as well as back in the gym. Dont get me wrong I did do "some" exercise but nothing like I was prior. But today I went back to the gym and did my good'ole step class. How did I fare you ask? well...I'm gonna be hurting BAD tomorrow..as a matter fact probably in about 30 mins...but I made it through, didn't take the short cuts, pumped up the intensity and sweated like a pig in the sauna..but all in all I feel good !! ( thank heavens for those endorphins!!!)

the one thing that is obviously a clear lesson learned from my hiatus is that it's much easier to cut corners and talk yourself out of doing the things you should be doing when you aren't accountable for them to someone...hence while our community here is a blessing and a must on the journey to healthy bodies, minds and successful weight loss !!

BTW thanks to my wonderful Jen !! Message received hun and it gave me that push I needed so XOXOXOXO !!!!

I'm including below a very appropriate article by Katie Jay which was timed just right for what I am going through and I hope it can be of help to others !!

TTYL !!!

The Right Ingredients for WLS Success
by Katie Jay, MSW, Certified Wellness Coach
Director, National Association for Weight Loss Surgery

In my upcoming retreat in Ocean Isle, NC (which is sold
out), we will be focusing on the "right recipe" for long-
term WLS success. So, I have been thinking. What do WLS
patients need to include in their "recipe" to get their
best possible WLS outcome?

In last week's article, I talked about the things Dr.
Cynthia Buffington recommends -- the physical things.

This week, I want to remind us all about the psycho-
logical fare we require on our journey. Because no
matter how well we know what we are supposed to do
physically, if we can't get ourselves to do it, we
aren't going to get very far.

Deep down, most of us know these things need to be
addressed, but sometimes we avoid them out of fear or
a dislike for discomfort. Still, if we don't consider
the truth about long-term recovery, if we don't know
what the target looks like from a "mindset" perspective,
how can we get there?

Many of the world's great faiths and philosophies teach
us that mindset matters. Most of us have heard the verse
from the Bible, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is

So, here is my top five list of psychological
considerations that most of us will need to face
on our journeys to peace with food and our bodies:

1. On a long, arduous journey, getting help is not
optional -- it's essential.

You'll need a good map, provisions, an emergency kit,
a safe place to rest, sustenance, help overcoming
obstacles, and insight and encouragement from those
who have already made the journey.

2. When your brain chemistry is working against you,
your journey will be longer and more challenging, if
not impossible.

Knowing where you're going, and having your provisions,
won't help if you're too depressed to get up in the
morning, or too anxious to move forward. Sometimes
medication and/or therapy are needed to help you stay
focused and to give you the mental and emotional
strength you need to stay on your path.

3. You harbor beliefs that will hold you back, so you'll
need to take responsibility for rethinking and replacing
the beliefs that don't serve your highest good.

Old beliefs can keep you locked in a story you tell
yourself about the journey. Beliefs like, "I can't
control my eating," "If I lose too much weight, I will
become promiscuous," "Your time and needs are more
important than mine," "You are an adult, but I can't
trust you to take care of yourself -- so, I am doing
it for you," "Exercise is too much work," "I can't
live without chocolate," "I don't deserve to succeed,"
"If I lose too much weight, I'll lose my friends."

4. To create a new you (a you who can withstand the
challenges of the journey), you have to be fully
present for the planning and implementation process.

When you engage in escapist activities; i.e., overeating,
drinking alcohol, gossiping, staying too busy, people
pleasing (focusing always on others); you are not
present with your own thoughts and feelings -- you're
not available to support and encourage your new self.

Learning to tolerate being present with your
uncomfortable thoughts and feelings is the only way
you can learn to shift away from discouraging or
counterproductive thoughts and become more accepting
of your entire emotional palette.

5. To find your truth, your success, your peace ...
you have to head toward Reality. Anything else you
desire, you'll seek, but never find.

I've heard it put many ways, but the bottom line is
the truth WILL set you free -- it is the key ingredient
in your recipe for WLS success. You just can't solve a
problem if you don't know what it really is.

Counting calories doesn't cure depression and eating
protein will not keep you from over-focusing on other
people's needs. When we refuse to see the truth, we
stumble in the darkness.

Many of us tell ourselves a story about why we are the
way we are, but those stories may or may not be based
on reality. The process of finding your truth is a
critical part of your journey.

WLS is not the easy way out. But there are many
ingredients you can add to your WLS recipe to gently
move through the psychological, emotional, and social
issues that arise as you cook up your yummy life.

Over the next five weeks, I'll discuss each of these
five psychological considerations in greater depth.